Le Backstory
I used to be very good at chronicling my everyday life but then it became difficult to muster up any motivation to set aside any time to sit and write. I decided to start up again as there have been a few (big!) life changes that have happened and I feel it important to record them but also as a way to help me cope with the more trying times of my experience.
For now, I'll just give some background into the situation that prompted the revival of my blog. Also, please forgive the name of the blog. Until I think of a more clever name that isn't already registered, Instant Stepmom will do. =)
Alright, here we go!
Last April, Chris, my now fiance, moved from New Orleans to San Francisco to live his best Bay life with me. A short two weeks later he received a call from Connecticut's Department of Child Services that an allegation against his son's mother and live-in boyfriend had been substantiated and DCF wanted to begin the motions of removing him from their home. To avoid being placed in foster care, the social worker asked Chris to come take his son and care for him instead. The following week Chris was on a plane to Connecticut and his son has been living with us full-time in San Francisco since May 29, 2018.
We had already planned to fly to Connecticut later in the month to meet Chris' family and of course, his son. Before the DCF call, I was already anticipating meeting Chris' son and planning activities for us to do and as for longer term, I committed myself to take the strides to eventually have his son live with us. I say eventually because I wanted to make sure we were in a position to care for him- stable incomes, married, settled into a home, etc. My longer term plans suddenly became immediate and hit me like a mack truck.
The week before Chris left for Connecticut I would wake up with the worst, splitting headaches, bawling my eyes out and plagued with a million thoughts:
How deeply affected is Chris' son from the abuse he's suffered?
How will he adjust to being plucked out of everything he knows and planted into a completely new environment where he doesn't know anyone outside of his dad?
And ultimately, can I actually do this? At this point I had no choice but my parenting resume didn't go beyond two small dogs. Outside of that, I had never been responsible for anyone but myself- I could spend $75 on a meal and not bat at an eye, stay out late and sleep in, skip out of town for a weekend getaway, see or do anything I want, whenever I want. I was also not exactly ready. I am a meticulous planner and my calendar rules my life. All of the sudden I had a recurring event to parent a nine year old.
I am happy to report that after seven months, the personal freedom I once enjoyed isn't something I regret no longer having and I am proud of the instant family Chris and I have been able to build in such a short amount of time. Most of all, I am happy to see the change and growth in Chris' son. The feeling we get when he gets good reports from school or basks in something he's experiencing something for the first time is incredibly rewarding.
Chris and I have also been so fortunate to have a kick ass network of people who have supported us through this crazy journey- from the friends who are child development experts, to my mom taking care of junior after school to our friends and family who lend a kind and thoughtful ear to let us vent. There's absolutely no way we could've come this far without them.
As nice as it would be to say that the past seven months have been smooth sailing that would be incredibly unrealistic. Caring for a child who has suffered from severe trauma for most of his life is not without its struggles and I would also come to find out how skewed family court is towards mothers, regardless of the situation but that will be discussed in a later blog.
I'll try to update this at least once a week but for now, thank you for reading so far!
For now, I'll just give some background into the situation that prompted the revival of my blog. Also, please forgive the name of the blog. Until I think of a more clever name that isn't already registered, Instant Stepmom will do. =)
Alright, here we go!
Last April, Chris, my now fiance, moved from New Orleans to San Francisco to live his best Bay life with me. A short two weeks later he received a call from Connecticut's Department of Child Services that an allegation against his son's mother and live-in boyfriend had been substantiated and DCF wanted to begin the motions of removing him from their home. To avoid being placed in foster care, the social worker asked Chris to come take his son and care for him instead. The following week Chris was on a plane to Connecticut and his son has been living with us full-time in San Francisco since May 29, 2018.
We had already planned to fly to Connecticut later in the month to meet Chris' family and of course, his son. Before the DCF call, I was already anticipating meeting Chris' son and planning activities for us to do and as for longer term, I committed myself to take the strides to eventually have his son live with us. I say eventually because I wanted to make sure we were in a position to care for him- stable incomes, married, settled into a home, etc. My longer term plans suddenly became immediate and hit me like a mack truck.
The week before Chris left for Connecticut I would wake up with the worst, splitting headaches, bawling my eyes out and plagued with a million thoughts:
How deeply affected is Chris' son from the abuse he's suffered?
How will he adjust to being plucked out of everything he knows and planted into a completely new environment where he doesn't know anyone outside of his dad?
And ultimately, can I actually do this? At this point I had no choice but my parenting resume didn't go beyond two small dogs. Outside of that, I had never been responsible for anyone but myself- I could spend $75 on a meal and not bat at an eye, stay out late and sleep in, skip out of town for a weekend getaway, see or do anything I want, whenever I want. I was also not exactly ready. I am a meticulous planner and my calendar rules my life. All of the sudden I had a recurring event to parent a nine year old.
I am happy to report that after seven months, the personal freedom I once enjoyed isn't something I regret no longer having and I am proud of the instant family Chris and I have been able to build in such a short amount of time. Most of all, I am happy to see the change and growth in Chris' son. The feeling we get when he gets good reports from school or basks in something he's experiencing something for the first time is incredibly rewarding.
Chris and I have also been so fortunate to have a kick ass network of people who have supported us through this crazy journey- from the friends who are child development experts, to my mom taking care of junior after school to our friends and family who lend a kind and thoughtful ear to let us vent. There's absolutely no way we could've come this far without them.
As nice as it would be to say that the past seven months have been smooth sailing that would be incredibly unrealistic. Caring for a child who has suffered from severe trauma for most of his life is not without its struggles and I would also come to find out how skewed family court is towards mothers, regardless of the situation but that will be discussed in a later blog.
I'll try to update this at least once a week but for now, thank you for reading so far!
Comments
Post a Comment