The Week of Ls
It's been a minute since my last entry. I am currently in Connecticut licking the wounds of the repeated Ls Chris and I have been taking since last Saturday. This won't be the most positive post but I do want to start with good news.
Since my first/last post, K has continued to learn and grow. We had an IEP (individualized education plan) meeting in April and his teacher remarked that it was his best school year to date. The amount of prompts needed to get him on track had decreased dramatically and he had developed better coping strategies when faced with adverse situations. In early June, K graduated from elementary school and had a few days off before starting extended school year in order to avoid any academic regression over the summer.
In the background, Chris and I were working with a lawyer to get full custody of K. When DCF (Department of Children and Families) contacted Chris asking him to step in and take care of K, they closed the case and offered little to no advice regarding custody. K's mom was advised to give temporary custody to Chris through a piece of paper that was notarized. The agreement had an end date of June 14, 2019.
Now onto the Ls...
Our First L:
On May 23, 2019 we filed two motions- one to modify custody and another to have temporary custody until orders were issued. The court date was set for June 20, 2019. On early morning Saturday, June 15, 2019, Renee and two cops showed up at our house to take K because the day she was supposed to have him back was before our hearing. Despite the circumstances, the cops had to be impartial and follow what was on paper. K didn't have time to brush his teeth or pack enough things. They took a redeye and arrived in Connecticut Sunday, June 16 and K has been back with his mother ever since.
Chris and I were obviously devastated but we felt better knowing we'd have our hearing five days later and we had done a lot of heavy lifting to prepare for the hearing. We were confident in our position and had high hopes of bringing K with us when we returned from Connecticut.
Our Second L:
On Monday, June 17, K's mom filed a motion to continue, meaning postpone the custody hearing. Her reason was that she had both a child and infant and needed to make child care arrangements. Four days before the hearing, she lets the court know she can't attend something she had known about for more than three weeks. Our California address is on the motion, we had made our own arrangements to make the trip (flights, hotels, car) but she asks for a continuance over a month out (July 22) to find child care for a few hours.
A judge granted her motion.
Our lawyer filed an objection but the motion was granted anyway.
Our Third L:
Although the custody hearing was continued, we still had another hearing in magistrate court regarding child support. We had previously met in October where all support orders (weekly and arrears) were suspended meaning no money was to be paid to K's mother because he was living with us full-time in California. Although we did not seek any support from K's mother, we had reached an agreement that any money she earned that would go to support would be deducted from Chris' arrears (back child support). There is a fucked up backstory to the arrears but I'll save that another post.
Unfortunately, the agreement was not fruitful because K's mom had recently had a baby and she was not making any income. The court did not compel her to work as she was the primary caretaker of her baby.
To twist the knife a few more rotations, on November 9, 2018, a month after the orders of suspension were issued, a joint investment account Chris and I owned had all of its positions sold off and a check was sent to child support and forwarded to K's mom. I can't say how much but it was four digits and not an amount to sneeze over. K had been living with us since May 29, 2018 and the day after K's mom received the check, she sent mail for the first time ever to him. A small portion of our money was staring at us in the form of a handful of tshirts and jeans from Sears.
Today we had the hearing for child support and it has been turned back on. I guess child care is much easier to get for child support hearings than custody hearings. Chris is obligated to pay $214/week until custody has been determined. For over a year K's mom did not contribute financially for his expenses but just like that we are out $860/month while K lives with his mom in Section-8 housing because Chris makes more money to her reported zero earnings. She also had the audacity to ask the enforcement officer to order Chris to pay for the plane ticket she bought to bring K home. She took him from the environment he was thriving in and attending school and she wanted us to foot that bill. Thankfully, the enforcement officer said no, a tiny, tiny w but overall a big fat L.
Our fourth and worst L:
We actually had the opportunity to have our lawyer represent us for the child support hearing and not attend in person but we flew to Connecticut anyway so we could see K. I can't begin to imagine what is going through his mind. We try to talk to him twice a day but it is at his mother's discretion. We asked her repeatedly to set up time to see K and she has been dodgy the entire time. After the support hearing Chris tried to speak to her but she bolted out of the courthouse and refused to speak to him. Finally she offered to meet us at the police station of all places and they pulled up in her new Chevy Equinox. We spent no more than ten minutes with K. We tried to keep it light with him and with his mom standing right there it's difficult to ask how he's really doing.
It has been really hard not having him around. The house is quieter, cleaner (lol) and just feels like something is missing. Chris and I don't like to eat at the dining table because it reminds of our family dinners and we both have had trouble focusing at work. To know we are flying home without K leaves us feeling so deflated and heartbroken.
The same woman who told her 9 year old son to his face that she was fed up with him and was ready to give him up to the state, flew across the country to collect him because he is her cash cow. She doesn't care about what is in his best interest and unfortunately we cannot present any of this until we have a hearing. What we once thought was a slam dunk has been proving to be a long, uphill battle and the state of Connecticut has unfortunately been providing her with assists to make it this way.
Since my first/last post, K has continued to learn and grow. We had an IEP (individualized education plan) meeting in April and his teacher remarked that it was his best school year to date. The amount of prompts needed to get him on track had decreased dramatically and he had developed better coping strategies when faced with adverse situations. In early June, K graduated from elementary school and had a few days off before starting extended school year in order to avoid any academic regression over the summer.
In the background, Chris and I were working with a lawyer to get full custody of K. When DCF (Department of Children and Families) contacted Chris asking him to step in and take care of K, they closed the case and offered little to no advice regarding custody. K's mom was advised to give temporary custody to Chris through a piece of paper that was notarized. The agreement had an end date of June 14, 2019.
Now onto the Ls...
Our First L:
On May 23, 2019 we filed two motions- one to modify custody and another to have temporary custody until orders were issued. The court date was set for June 20, 2019. On early morning Saturday, June 15, 2019, Renee and two cops showed up at our house to take K because the day she was supposed to have him back was before our hearing. Despite the circumstances, the cops had to be impartial and follow what was on paper. K didn't have time to brush his teeth or pack enough things. They took a redeye and arrived in Connecticut Sunday, June 16 and K has been back with his mother ever since.
Chris and I were obviously devastated but we felt better knowing we'd have our hearing five days later and we had done a lot of heavy lifting to prepare for the hearing. We were confident in our position and had high hopes of bringing K with us when we returned from Connecticut.
Our Second L:
On Monday, June 17, K's mom filed a motion to continue, meaning postpone the custody hearing. Her reason was that she had both a child and infant and needed to make child care arrangements. Four days before the hearing, she lets the court know she can't attend something she had known about for more than three weeks. Our California address is on the motion, we had made our own arrangements to make the trip (flights, hotels, car) but she asks for a continuance over a month out (July 22) to find child care for a few hours.
A judge granted her motion.
Our lawyer filed an objection but the motion was granted anyway.
Our Third L:
Although the custody hearing was continued, we still had another hearing in magistrate court regarding child support. We had previously met in October where all support orders (weekly and arrears) were suspended meaning no money was to be paid to K's mother because he was living with us full-time in California. Although we did not seek any support from K's mother, we had reached an agreement that any money she earned that would go to support would be deducted from Chris' arrears (back child support). There is a fucked up backstory to the arrears but I'll save that another post.
Unfortunately, the agreement was not fruitful because K's mom had recently had a baby and she was not making any income. The court did not compel her to work as she was the primary caretaker of her baby.
To twist the knife a few more rotations, on November 9, 2018, a month after the orders of suspension were issued, a joint investment account Chris and I owned had all of its positions sold off and a check was sent to child support and forwarded to K's mom. I can't say how much but it was four digits and not an amount to sneeze over. K had been living with us since May 29, 2018 and the day after K's mom received the check, she sent mail for the first time ever to him. A small portion of our money was staring at us in the form of a handful of tshirts and jeans from Sears.
Today we had the hearing for child support and it has been turned back on. I guess child care is much easier to get for child support hearings than custody hearings. Chris is obligated to pay $214/week until custody has been determined. For over a year K's mom did not contribute financially for his expenses but just like that we are out $860/month while K lives with his mom in Section-8 housing because Chris makes more money to her reported zero earnings. She also had the audacity to ask the enforcement officer to order Chris to pay for the plane ticket she bought to bring K home. She took him from the environment he was thriving in and attending school and she wanted us to foot that bill. Thankfully, the enforcement officer said no, a tiny, tiny w but overall a big fat L.
Our fourth and worst L:
We actually had the opportunity to have our lawyer represent us for the child support hearing and not attend in person but we flew to Connecticut anyway so we could see K. I can't begin to imagine what is going through his mind. We try to talk to him twice a day but it is at his mother's discretion. We asked her repeatedly to set up time to see K and she has been dodgy the entire time. After the support hearing Chris tried to speak to her but she bolted out of the courthouse and refused to speak to him. Finally she offered to meet us at the police station of all places and they pulled up in her new Chevy Equinox. We spent no more than ten minutes with K. We tried to keep it light with him and with his mom standing right there it's difficult to ask how he's really doing.
It has been really hard not having him around. The house is quieter, cleaner (lol) and just feels like something is missing. Chris and I don't like to eat at the dining table because it reminds of our family dinners and we both have had trouble focusing at work. To know we are flying home without K leaves us feeling so deflated and heartbroken.
The same woman who told her 9 year old son to his face that she was fed up with him and was ready to give him up to the state, flew across the country to collect him because he is her cash cow. She doesn't care about what is in his best interest and unfortunately we cannot present any of this until we have a hearing. What we once thought was a slam dunk has been proving to be a long, uphill battle and the state of Connecticut has unfortunately been providing her with assists to make it this way.
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